Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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