I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You ruined the universe
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
