where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
