I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
