I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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