She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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