they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
People in love make me want to vomit
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
