So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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