Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
