Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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