I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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