I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How does one acquire holy water?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
