a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
