So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
