yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize