is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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