this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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