Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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