Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
