i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
