It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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