I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
