And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
