Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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