my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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