Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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