What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
