Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My ATM looks so different sober.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
