i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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