Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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