I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
