Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
