I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
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Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
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We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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