You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
