Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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