My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
