nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
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Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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