i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
