Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
