he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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