ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize