Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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