I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
