I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
