Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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