JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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