The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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