I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
