every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
