I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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