Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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