3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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