i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
