I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
