i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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