Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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