I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
