She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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