New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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