And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
