I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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