my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
40s are totally the cure
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize